I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
