I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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