wakey wakey hands off snakey
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
bring money and cleavage
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
