So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
