Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
