she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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