If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
