we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
