just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
