Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
