I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
