I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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