I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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