I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
