He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
