I hate all girls vehemently.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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