Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
