Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
