You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
