Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
