Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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