I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
