They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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