I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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