i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something