Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails