Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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