Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets