In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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