You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
