Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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