just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
