I bet he comes in French.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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