My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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