I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
