I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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