I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
