Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
