If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
