I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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