its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
