I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
