I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
