I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
