can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
