Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
