We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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