How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize