do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
