You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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