i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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