I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
