i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
