omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
