That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
