we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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