there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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