I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
