you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
