Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The power of my boobs compel you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
