He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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