I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
