Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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