he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
