i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
