suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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