paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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