I met the friendliest cop last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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