That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
