I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
